Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I had to cum in my sink.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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