Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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