Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There's even glitter on my cock...
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