You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
