I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
