If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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