I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
