What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
