i think my mom watched the whole time
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
