We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
