I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
