brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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