she smelled like a LAN party
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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