when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
