Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What a dumb baby whore.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
