Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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