I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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