It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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