There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
