look no pants
I need help removing her.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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