how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
