i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm always down for nudity.
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