i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
