he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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