i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my poor anus
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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