He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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