I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
