Already got asked if we're dating
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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