you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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