so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
