I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
