i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just google imaged poop.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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