Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
