DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When are your genitals available?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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