if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
