My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
