ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
