Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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