he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
