I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
