i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so let's talk penis.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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