My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
