it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
