turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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