Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
