Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
