Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
