if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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