so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
