I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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