you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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